Everyday I wake up feeling like im lobotomized. I have no purpose,no aim,im bored most of the time. I know that im wasting time and my restless mind will go to any lengths to find something to do. I am not in a position to do so but can’t help feeling this way. It is not my intention to waste time and kill whatever gifts i would have had but you must understand that im always going to be struggling,fighting with urges and problems that are either imaginary,illusory or the end game leads to nowhere…because im afraid of branching out. life does not have the same flavor and fervor it once was for me. I think i know at one point what is wrong with me and then another time..im at a lost for words as to what is happening in the next. I simply watch. this is all workings of the mind when it has nothing to do of course. You cant really expect anything more.
It is my hope one day that i can stop being afraid and actually get my shit together. the biggest issues im having right now is figuring out what are the steps i need to take each waking moment of my life to ensure that no day has been gone wasted. I admit that i have some serious mental flaws that impede my own progress. To that i can say yes i am guilty of that. But ill get through somehow. My futue prospects are always on the back of my mind. ive reached a stage in my young adult life where i have no choice to ignore it anymore.
My biggest obstacle at the moment is programming. i cant get any breakthroughs. At least I thought i was proficient at it but the shame of not having the aptitude for it is what kept me most of the time from making any attempts to really fix the situation. I know damn well that there are other jobs i could train myself to do but the direction my father seems to want me to follow is one of entrepreneurship. I know that i cant shift any blame on others when i fail. I know im responsible for my actions and my fuckups. I know better. But something is stopping me from doing better. The only skill i see myself confident with is the art of writing such as what im doing right now but the funniest thing is that my thoughts dont seem to amount to much by the time i took the effort to write it out on paper or in a text file. So I have a confidence problem as well. Low self-esteem. I grew up sheltered and blinded from a lot of things I should have known by now. My father is disappointed in me and cares very little. He said he has provided all he could for me so i have to decide what i want out of life. I am tired of waking up everyday feeling like a hostage to my parents wishes and desires for me. im 24 years old and i still cant get my shit figured out. I am supposed to hold a junior position in an It field by now maybe web development or programming or sys admin. I should have finished college by now. They are getting sick of me and I am getting sick of myself.
So im sitting here in this chair wondering what the hell is up with all this hubaloo about the US election. I am trying to figure out why are people rioting in the streets being salty as fuck about a candidate they don’t like who was voted in Marjorly by all races of people of all creeds religions and what-not. I am trying to figure out how these people who claim that president-elect Donald Trump is a racist when its more clear to me that its just people fucking around namely some of his voters who happened to be misguided people and not the man himself? KKK voted for the man but does that mean he accepts the KKK? If he is a bigot how would this make him any different from other past republican voters? Minorities survived all of that. Was Bush or Ronald Reagan a Hitler? nope. Minorities are still there. Nobody’s rights were violated or taken away and they are not going to be taken away now. So seeing Sjws or feminists who come out claiming that Donald Trump is the next Hitler or try to use scare tactics(even the mainstream media does this a lot. I’m looking at you CNN) when he is not even in office until January 2017 near the end of the month.
The first point I would like to address is this stupid ass idea that the man is gonna run every citizen out of the country who is not white and Christian. Why are there videos of American born minority citizens such as Latinos and Asians bemoaning and even crying? And why are celebrities even fucking bitching about the man? They are the type of people he would most likely cater to just like every other politician. This is the stupidest thing ive ever seen. It is evident that nobody paid to the mans speeches and just judged him as a bad egg no matter what. So after months of endless smear campaigns trying to portray him as these things it didn’t work because people are tired of hearing about racism and oppression when there is little to no oppression of that sort taking place. Much of what happens with blacks in America are self-inflicted. I don’t see any white man deliberately going out of his way to oppress minorities or women. It’s a lie. I don’t support dishonesty even if it was meant to help people like me. Fuck that. Equality means Equality for all, including whites. What if he turns out ok or even better than obama? You see the political divide is more severe than I thought. Never judge a book by its cover and it is clear as daylight that people only skim things and they never look deep and think for themselves. People think too much with their eyes and not with their brain.
The democrats would most likely prefer a candidate who has a very shady,dubious history of lying,manipulation,deception,hypocrisy and broken promises through which they seem to just ignore all of it. This candidate, Hilary Rodham Clinton no matter how seasoned as a politician she may be you have to consider what her past looks like. They had Bernie Sanders,another opponent who could have been a more palpable opponent for Trump and a genuine choice until they fucked that over because Hilary is a woman? feminists want to make history? Since when did the office of presidency requires that you be a woman? Because from what I have heard and seen and what Hilary’s attitude in the debates when attacking trump is, they want voters to feel that he is sexist and racist and that was it. Don’t vote for him because he will be a bane to women and minorities. That was her entire campaign punchline. What was her policies? What made her better than Trump? We already know that Trump has no political experience,mostly a business tycoon of real estate and other business ventures he did say some stuff that obviously appealed to people mostly about tackling the establishment that they claim to be destroying not just the country but the world in general and a tougher attitude concerning immigration. The added fact that being not part of the establishment led many americans to believe they could change the way things are run,ironically what Obama should have been but ended up being a disappointment it seems for them. But America is always a country that takes radical steps towards solving problems and the reason why Donald trump won was not necessarily by his works but because Americans perceived the elections as one where they had to choose between two evils and to choose which one most likely to be less severe. Even an outsider like me who is not an american is not in america(thank god with all this shit going on) can see that they are fed up of the old tried and true politics game that has been going on as it is the same in my country. They want to try something new something different and as Trump said to the black church he visited in Detroit”What do you have to lose?”, they have been loyal democrats for years and Detroit,a city supposedly to be a model city and other cities like Chicago are still filled with rampant violence,unemployment,poor infrastructure and lack of care. Democrats betrayed black people and they will keep disrespecting and using them unless there is change. I don’t buy into the Donald-trump-is-racist-rhetoric as I have seen nothing of the sort coming from the man. If they want something to fear,fear the people he chose to help him administer the country like Mike Pence the VP.
People have to learn to accept criticism and be able to bounce back from it. The generation growing up now are being fed a type of ideology that makes them feel entitled to things instead of working for what they want and throw a tantrum about it. For the longest while they painted the lie that Republicans on a whole were racist,a lie that sadly people outside of the US continue to believe including my own countrymen. US politics is more complex than that. I am still learning and it is wise for these protesters who are out there now to give Donald Trump a chance before jumping to conclusions and doing irrational things like destroying property and acting like terrorists in their own country. They expose themselves as the very monsters they claim Republicans are. Ironic. If Donald Trump fails fine but it was a gamble nonetheless and a good bet. Protesting a democratic outcome just shows that you are not Democrats…you are Hypocrites. The man won fair and square.
1. First ordered list item
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I will say that for the most part it was a very shitty year. Right now I am being held back in my studies because the University does not have enough attendees for a course I need to do in order to complete my programme. I am literally being held back for a semester unless they can find a class with enough people wanting to do the class. This is a stark reminder that Universities and colleges while they may just be the only way to advance in life for average Joe’s like me who cannot think outside the box or take entrepreneurial risks(or even know how to) It is still a business for the Administration and you end up feeling like some kind of cash cow they want to milk you into debt despite the fact that im doing it part-time. I have spent over half a million dollars accumulated over the span of five years and I am only halfway into completing my associates degree and im 25 now. Am I wasting my life? This is one marathon that I don’t know whether giving up is the right thing or even completing it would make a difference. It seems as if in my country, Information Technology is equivalent to getting an Arts Degree in the US. Nobody likes it or understands it. Yet it is the hottest and will forever be the hottest,fast paced industry in my opinion globally even the very country I live in which seems to under-appreciate it.. Instead I find that everyone is chasing MBAs and things to do with Tourism or even Law.
When you reach the stage in your life(college) you will stumble on a course called Discrete Mathematics. Throughout the course you will have this question in your mind especially when you read the formal definition of what discrete mathematics is.
Discrete mathematics is the study of mathematical structures that are fundamentally discrete rather than continuous.
What exactly does it mean to be discrete or continous?
Discrete mathematics is the study of mathematical structures that are fundamentally discrete rather than continuous.( This means that you are dealing with structures having specific values, as opposed to continuously varying values). It uses algebra and arithmetic. It is increasingly being applied in the practical fields of mathematics and computer science. It is a very good tool for improving reasoning and problem-solving capabilities. Mathematics can be broadly categorized into two categories;
Discrete mathematics
Continuous Mathematics
Now we need to know what the difference is as we see this word discrete mathematics coming up. Continuous mathematics is the set of math that deals with number line and real numbers. What makes this continuous is that between two real numbers you can always find another number between them or an infinite set of numbers between them. You can see this perfectly when you plot a curve. A function can take the form of a perfectly smooth curve. There is a type of function called a continuous function which is, roughly speaking, a function for which sufficiently small changes in the input result in arbitrarily small changes in the output. Continuous data are not restricted to defined separate values, but can occupy any value over a continuous range.
In discrete mathematics, you’re working with distinct values – given any two points in discrete math, there aren’t an infinite number of points between them. If you have a finite set of objects
“Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die.”- Shoma Morita, M.D.
The only way to do that is to accept the frustration and keep practicing. The only way to be persistent is to be persistent. It’s really circular I know but if you do it I promise you you will not regret it. You have to realize that excellence is the result of developing and maintaining good habits(automated behaviors that come as a result of repeating them) that work towards your favor in life. Keep pushing. There are no magic bullet solutions or anything that can make you avoid the pain/discomfort that you are facing. It is an illusion of the mind to believe that there is away to learn all these skills without some great discomfort that you must bear. Everyone has to go through it. Me, you, even the experts. I have problems with python programming right now as I speak. I know that the only way I am going to solve my problem is to keep at it. Persistence and discipline is not what you think/imagine it to be. You can be relaxed and still be persistent and disciplined. It’s a matter of observing how you are reacting to the subject. For example, I learned that the headaches that I get when I concentrate is a result of me straining muscle tissue surrounding my skull and that was unnecessary because it didn’t better my concentration or focus. It only brought unnecessary pain. Humans tend to do this naturally if they are not aware of it. Make sure you aren’t doing that because that can make your learning experience unbearable. Do you believe that you can learn the subject? Do you think it is impossible to learn it? Watch your beliefs! They also play a part in making the learning process look difficult.
Be Patient: Another thing you must have in mind is that you have to be patient. You cannot force the speed at which you learn and you cannot force how long it will take. Anybody who tells you that you can completely master certain technical skills in 24-hours or less are frauds. They want to sell their book.
Frequent break periods: You also need to take breaks. No human being will be able to focus for hours on end and still retain his efficiency as when he started the first hour. Some things just take longer to learn than others. it is easier for people to read novels than it is to read technical stuff like Mathematics, Engineering, Programming etc.)
Use Multiple sources of information: If a technical book sucks at teaching you a concept it just sucks. Don’t waste time trying to understand it that authors way. Try another author. Different perspectives on the same problem/concept will give you more ideas on how to solve the problem,helps you understand it better and helps you to remember it as well. Even the professional programmers and mathematicians will themselves tell you that you should stop reading book X and read Book Y instead because it teaches it easier. But since learning is subjective for everyone it could be the reverse. The bottom-line is your mileage may vary but always use multiple books. Watch videos. See how online courses like codeacademy teach it. You cannot lose if you do that. I proved it to myself yesterday too in Python.
“There are two types of pain you will go through in life, the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tonnes.”― Jim Rohn
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