Being honest and natural.

You know that nothing in life is certain. You know that you cannot force things to go your way and you cannot justify your wrong-doings. To release yourself from your mental prison is to be 100% honest and compassionate with ourselves and be 100% compassionate with ourselves.

Stop being afraid to admit your limitations and mistakes. It is in that process of opening up where we can resolve our innermost turmoil. Accept the fact that no matter how knowledgeable,careful, and aware you are you will still make mistakes and not all of your ambitions will come true. This is life. It takes a mature, experienced person to truly understand some of its mysteries. Life is not hard but it is also not easy. What I call “Life” is the ceaseless flow of timely existence or reality. Concepts get in the way if they are used too much. Too much of anything isn’t good. You must have balance in your life. Use in moderation and think more neutral, more objectively. Because many times we are wrong. We think we know. We think we understand but we do not. We are full of a lot of inconsistent behavior and patterns of thinking. We are biased and stubborn. Sometimes even stubbornness can be beneficial. Sometimes trapping ourselves into our own world views helps us to bear the pain that comes from facing reality. That’s why you wouldn’t tell a person to stop dreaming/fantasizing because it does serve a purpose. You cannot be too serious with how you live either. One must keep his sense of humor and never be afraid to confess that he fucked up. Drop the pride and the hubris.

At the same time I am not saying that you must humble yourself to the point of having no ambition/zeal. Because you do have obligations to meet and things to do. You must set good standards to reach. It’s a matter of managing your priorities and balancing your life. It’s a balancing game. For example, you have project deadlines to meet but you also need rest. By all means rest and then when you are ready you go back to your work. Most people are unable to do that. Only few people have that much self-control to resist the inevitable feelings of laziness and procrastination. Perhaps the monks in the countries of Asia are not as prone to these mental anomalies like the west. They are the most disciplined people I know. I don’t know if it is the culture or it is their practice of mindfulness meditation. It could be both. Then we turn to the subject of meditation as a viable option to help me gain control over myself. “I don’t have that much time on my hands to meditate to acquire mindfulness” is what I would usually say but the truth is that my life is disorganized and I don’t follow schedules or time-based systems. I find even the simplest things of managing my time very difficult to do. To do this is even more difficult as 90% of the time I am worrying that I must be doing something wrong, clinging to a particular sensation/experience or I am overall impatient with it(which is most of the time) and I end up killing all my time. My nerves are jumpy. I am anxious even when I don’t feel the typical symptoms. It sucks. I bombed this year’s Fall semester. It is my fault and I know it but I am reluctant to admit it. Nevertheless I am not dropping my hands and giving up. I know the obvious thing to do and yet still didn’t do it. But I am still not giving up. I am stubborn after all.

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