I might not pass a single course for this Fall. There is a 80% certainity. I am having an overall terrible education experience.

Seriously fuck my life. I cannot concentrate for shit on the accounting and academic writing. I failed basic accounting class 3 times already in the past. Now even my own father is tearing me down asking me if I want to be an accountant instead of  a system administrator and he is telling me how I am wasting my time and my money going to this college instead of learning the actual skills indeed to survive as a sysadmin. There is absolutely nothing fun about my college as I am attending a rural branch and have classes in the evenings. It is nothing like the American ones. It’s just about getting that paper. I hardly get a good night sleep nowadays and the worst part is that if a person is to observe a majority of the flurry of my activities he/she can immediately say that I procrastinate too much and I am lazy in studying or doing anything at all. I don’t take the initiative and always want instructions to follow like a drone. I am irresponsible. I am too lazy. I don’t do things on my own. I don’t like difficult things to learn or do and don’t stick to it. I am this. I am that. FUCK! Of course naturally I am going to be distracted by a million time wasting unproductive things instead of learning python/bash scripting or setting up servers and other types of fucking around in  linux. I feel like I wasted 2 years of my life just to please my mother who keeps pushing me and keep telling me these horror stories of people who stay in abject poverty,misery and depend on other people for money and other resources because it is hard to get jobs without a degree even the ones you would consider menial And  let us not forget a father who don’t seem to give a shit because based on how he is talking, colleges in this country are a waste of time for technical people because they teach outdated windoze shit or they teach nothing that is practical at all that you can get a job with.”  But do you expect me to fight the status quo of this country? No matter how much I might screw up this programme I am currently in I won’t give up until I get my degree….even if I get suspended……….my GPA is 2.5… which is terrible and I already got a warning from the school via email that they are watching me closely because I might lose the little discount on my courses I got through a special  government funded program. I am weary from all of this and might start developing a serious phobia for schools and letter grades in general. This system is not working out for me at all. It’s not just this year it is also the first year I entered this bloody college and I don’t know why I let my mother dictate the course-load I should take up for each semester. Would you guess that I passed only 1 subject out of the three I selected? I failed Accounting and Marketing and now I am about to fail Accounting again for the fourth time of my life in this semester. School is not for everyone but unfortunately third world peasants such as myself do not have that luxury to freelance or do some autodidact shit that the Americans can do. I am no Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. How do I make a living using just by being a programmer or web developer?How can I get a decent job that I like? There is no guarantee that even if by the will of some deity or simply my own efforts that I somehow make it through this college that I will get a job. And what kind of job are we even talking about? The very name of the programme “Management Information Systems” doesn’t sound right to me. I am not good at managing people and I have no experience fucking with huge ass enterprise servers. Is there a way out of this hellhole?

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