For what does it concern a person like you

 

There is nothing more for me to go over again. All is said and done. It is what it is. It is done and set in stone. That is what it is now….I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself or and stop this excessive self-criticism of yourself.. This is life let us stop wasting our energies chasing after vague things and stop trying to strive and measure up with other people. You are not in competition with anyone nor should you try to be in one. Life is for living. No matter what you will face adversities…some you will and must overcome and some you will not..at least not yet. What is important above all however is that you don’t give up on your hopes and dreams. You are not a failure. You will lose many times.. You will be at lost for words and for thoughts at some of the things that you are facing right now and will face in the future. But does that mean the jigs up? No you fight on. You press on! You refuse to give up. That is how you fight not only the obstacles of the outside world but the obstacles that are within your own mind, Procrastination, Laziness, Impulsiveness and an extreme sense of self-distrust/lack of self-esteem. Whatever else that might be at play does not really matter much as what you are doing to combat the forces that you know along with the unknown ones. When you sit down to program do you think about how you measure up against every programming challenge? Do you constantly say to yoursef “I cannot understand this!” or “I have no knowledge of how to do it!” Or “I am not good at solving problems,lack of logical/critical thinking skills,etc. I cannot help but ask you this one question. If you find that Critical thinking is hard or any other skill is hard then what do you think other people who were at one point in time in their lives is in the same situation as you think that they didn’t ponder the same questions that you have or have the same insecure feelings? Of course they have! But do they allow their feelings and their insecurity to prevent them from taking the crucial daily steps to improve themselves in a certain skill area? No! This is what you need to understand and do at all times. Ensure that you are doing it at all times. To control and monitor how you react to your own thoughts,emotions and external events. You need to realize that although you will get angry and you cannot control the feelings of anger you can however control how you will react based upon your anger. This goes for everything else in life. So when you for example go up to perform a skill such as Public Speaking or computer repiars you will feel the feelings of nervousness but you can still perform well. In fact sometimes the nervousness helps you to perform your best. SOmetimes the stress that we feel are not alway bad. There is Eustress and distress! Eustress is the good version of what we know as stress. Sometimes even the stress that we know as bad changes to something good or the negative effects are lessened when we change our reaction and persepctives about what is causing the stress or the stress itself. You begin to realize that your mind is more than just about cognition and thinking but it is also about feeling. It is about becoming more aware.
But less us forget about all of that because to dwell on these things would waste our time and miss the entire point. Right now we need to get on this thing and work! Note I said just work. Just do! You don’t think of 500 different thoughts while doing your work you concentrate solely on your work! Nothing more nothing less! Be calm and relaxed and point your awareness and your observation to your work. Be one with your work. Be at ease with your work or problems. Nothing will get done if you kick and scream about every problem you face. The problem is not the problems themselves but it is how you react to them that is the problem. If you maintain yourself when approaching and doing this you will stand a better chance and you will not only get things done but you will enjoy what you are doing. That is the healthier and better way to approach life. It is not a series of competitions and races. Be at ease and relax. Still the storm in your mind through reflective and contemplative practices such as meditation. It is the conscious and intentional effort of training our awareness and concentration. To feel and accept all the sensations that are good and bad. To be at one with all your worries and thoughts whether good or bad. To be one with all your imperfections and failures in life as well as successes not putting one over the other. It is a balancing act. This is why Taoism,Buddhism,Stoicism and Zen are appealing as philosophies to live by. In our observation we see them as liberating in their messages and having an easy-going, simplified and realistic approach to life. I am saying this from my observation and my opinion. It might be incorrect partially or fully but that is the kind of impression that I get from it. Although I have not dwelled deep enough in either of these philosophies to go deeper I can tell you that life is more than just a linear path- such as getting and education in college, gaining skills to get and keep a job,etc.) There is more that we have to experience and learn that is far beyond our near-sighted view of life. The philosophies I preach here(except maybe for stoicism) no Gods to be feared and worshipped or set ridiculous rules that we must follow to be rewarded or otherwise to be punished if we do not follow them. They are all aimed at making the one life that we have better.
I want to talk about meditation. I am not a master of it but according to the real masters you don’t have to devote your time in a monastery to receive the benefits of meditation. Meditation is a mental skill that affects not only the mind but the physical body if it is practiced for long periods of time consistently. The keyword here is consistency because humans are accustomed to getting something and expecting it to work immediately for them. Not so I have come to learn! It will take quite some time before meditation starts to show real,observable and beyond-the-reasonabe-doubt evidence of its efficacy. Apart from that I strive to be open-minded. I have given certain New Age practices their fair chance and they did nothing for me and no matter how much time you want to give to them they would not yield their claimed benefits. I honestly am not looking for getting emotional highs just to feel like shit 15 minutes later after becoming motivated by a person’s speech or article or book. I want permanent benefits. Meditation promises certain things that I will really need in order to survive in this world. The bad thing is that I don’t practice as much as how I preach and talk about meditation. When I do practice it sometimes there is a change but only temporary and it could be anything or be placebo. I am not chasing this as a fantasy thing that can change my life forever and make me live happily ever after because it won’t and I would be delusional to say that meditation would directly make me love,want todo programming and make me a better programmer or a better artist or a better public speaker,writer etc.) It won’t do jack shit because it is really about doing nothing! But doing nothing in this day and age is so hard to accept because of all the gadgets and computers we have buried our noses in and there is little time to stop and think about anything. It’s all busywork here and there and it’s all unconscious,automatic. That is why it is so hard to do something as bold as doing nothing in this day and age. I don’t care about what people will say about meditation or about me practicing it because it is not entirely stupid and not beyond something that science can explain. Science has done its research and is continuing to do so and what they have so far has shown good evidence for the benefits of meditation such as improving the immune system, maintaining good blood pressure, maintaining mood, improving concentration,attention and promoting an overall sense of well-being and relaxation. There are some more that I don’t remember right now but the bottom line is that I need to do more meditation not to be a programmer. I don’t require meditation to do my work as a beginning programmer. Let me make it clear to you once more! Meditation will not and never will make me a better programmer. It is better to say it would indirectly help in terms of getting my mind into a state where learning can take place easier.
What I also would like to warn you about is this idea that meditation is the only thing that will calm you down. Meditation aims to create what we call mindfulness in the individual which is the ability to become aware of the present moment of things and seeing things for what they are. The practice of meditation itself does not bring peace it is mindfulness that brings peace. mIndfulness can operate in your mind for as long as you allow it but you cannot control when it should “turn on or off”. You also can’t dictate when it should arrive and you have no control when it leaves. The very act of trying to control it is unmindful. The philosophy behind it is to not hold any attachments or dependence on anything not even the very thing that can liberate you from the attachments. So in meditation you will find that you have trouble starting and maintaining your awareness on your breathing as the object of your meditation and the good thing to do is to just accept the fact that you are having difficulty in doing so. The very act is awareness. Being aware of your failures is awareness and you are still making progress. This shows that you are becoming aware thus there is really no right or wrong way to meditation. You will find in this practice and in the philosophies that there is no black-and-white way to do things. There is a middle way a state of not coming and not going. A state of not doing and doing. I believe the term/concept that they call this is called non-duality. It holds real value and I think it is ingenious in it’s own unique way because I have difficulty understanding and applying it myself. And I would be the typical man to think that these things are simple to not only understand but also to do but boy am I wrong at that! It may be easy to understand meditation but it is freaking hard to practice it consistently. Even the most advanced meditators whether layman or buddhist,taoist etc.) anyobdy who practices meditation will tell you that it ain’t easy. Heck even the buddha if he was alive today would tell you this. I have my reasons for why I pursue this practice so much because I realize that I am not really taking responsibilty for myself especially in the emotions department. I need to control the way how I react to things because many times I have jumped to faulty conclusions and made wrong assumptions about things which caused me embarassment and quite frankly it leaves me feeling defeated. So my purpose for meditation is for helping me to control my emotions from making me do stupid things and to live life more meaningfully and with fervour! This is a radical approach to self improvement because in my other approaches to self improvement you are expecting me to do alot of things and not just to sit in one place and meditate! To do nothing! Completely absurd I said to myself in my mind the first time i started taking more curious inquiries into meditation. I am being more open-minded with it though and I hope that as I continue to practice it some more it can help me significantly to deal with the challenges I face in life right now. I strive to be more emotionally intelligent not just to be intelligent. I have to have a holistic approach to life taking into consideration all the things that I take for granted as being just as important as the main thing. There are a couple of other things I like that I found in philosophies other than buddhism such as zen which emphasizes practice more than theory and the attitude of a child or a beginner which they called “beginners mind”. Because the beginner’s mind does not have all the cognitive traps and they don’t hold on to any belief or opinions, they don’t overanalyze things and hence cripple their performance and they are here just now to do what is required and nothing more. They are able to flow better with their practice and hence have a better experience than a person who overanalyzes and who thinks and doubts instead of do. Mind you that meditation is not a practice of faith but a pracitce of no-mind,neutrality,having no thoughts that agree or disagree or thoughts that encourage or discourage or thoughts that describe something as pleasant or unpleasant or thoughts that compare. So neither do you come into the practice with faith or try to rationalize it with logic. You just do it with neither of these things interrupting it. It is simply sitting,observing and being aware. NOthing less nothing more! You don’t judge the practice or judge how good you are at the practice you just shut up and do it and do it daily and consistently. That is when you will begin to feel increasing amounts of benefits coming in and lasting longer and longer. In some cases some persons wll do their first meditation in their entire lives and start reaping benefits! There are some things I would like to say about this pracitce and some misconceptions to meditation that I would like to make clear to anyone reading this. i am not into it to gain enlightenment. I have no desire for that and I don’t even know what it means to be enlightened. The other things is that people stigmatize this practice as something that delusional hippies do or new age crazies do. It ain’t so meditation to me and what is officially agreed upon by the experts of this practice is that meditation does not serve as a crotch to escape reality. It does the exact opposite because it is making us have to face and directly confront the mental(and sometimes physical) unpleasant sensations and thoughts that have always hindered us from taking action or to cause us unnecessary pain and suffering. You can see it in most psychotherapies today where a client is encouraged to face his phobias and other mental negative elements in his/her life as a part of the therapy. So meditation is seen more as not just having scientific basis but a practical one as well any anyone can gain its benefits. Of course it ain’t perfect. Most people are turned off from the fact that you are just sitting around doing nothing and meditation in itself can be very very difficult at times but I hardly see anything in this world now where if it’s a good thing to acquire it doesnt require a lot of effort,patience and pain to endure in order to get it. Anything that is good under the sun is expected to be very diffuclt to get. Ironically you are not going to get anything in meditation because you are not trying to gain anything or be in competition with anybody. You won’t lose your “meditation skills” or your “mindfulness” because it is not something that can be grasped in the first place.
There are a couple of things that I readily dismissed as pseudoscience because nobody with their rgiht mind unless they are losing their heads would believe it. I make sure I choose the secular kinds of meditation that does not require you to be in a cult to learn or that you have to worship some weird deity or soem shit like that. I have seen people going around talking about chakras,mind-reading abilities,levitation,auras and astral projection when the subject of meditation is brought up but none of them can be tested scientifically it’s all subjective bullshit. I am not into any of that crap. There is only so much you can be open-minded about and I dont even need to think to realize how much shit those things are. I just want to live,enjoy my life to the fullest,get along with other people and achieve the goals I set out to complete.

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